An Appointment with a New Patient

I'm usually the last person people want to see. Granted, I'm not pleasant to look at. My pale skin would blind most people in direct sunlight. Honestly, I don't wear a lot of black to scare people, but to protect their eyes. It's pretty uncomfortable on hot days and nights, especially in summer when people are dying of heatstroke. I find it more bearable in winter, to keep out the cold. After all, I'm not a very warm person to begin with.

I wouldn't say most people like me, though I've had my share of stalkers. I guess I understand. I'm not the most pleasant person. I kill a room when I enter it. Most children cry when they see me, but the elderly seem to like me well enough. They smile at me like I'm a familiar friend. Sometimes we talk for hours, sometimes they have nothing to say, but the old always take my hand.

It's hard to get a date when you're like me. My hands are ice cold, so no girl wants to hold them. I have a morbid sense of humor that girls don't appreciate. Goth girls seem to like it, but it's been my experience that they prefer to talk about me behind my back than see me face to face. At least we both tend to like dark, cozy restaurants.

I may show up unannounced, but at least I'm a gentleman. No matter who the person is, I don't discriminate.  I think I'm a basically good person, though you might disagree.

Thanks for listening to me, Doctor. I think you're a great therapist. Unfortunately, I have to admit that I came here to this appointment, for more than one reason. You see, today is your deathday, and it's time to take you. I promise this scythe may come as a shock, but it won't hurt you. It will kill you, but it won't hurt you.